“When was the last time you felt at the end of your rope? I haven’t blogged in a while. This isn’t because I forgot or anything, it’s because I didn’t want to blog. I felt that my words weren’t worth anything. I was going through a time where I felt that I wasn’t making an impact on anyone’s life. I started drawing further into myself. I secluded my soul and felt demoralized. I had little if any motivation.
During the summer I made my schedule as busy as I could so that I didn’t have to face myself. I upped my work hours by 100% and tried to make plans to be out with friends almost every day.
I tried reading my bible but got nothing out of it.
I tried worshiping but found I had no will to sing.
When youth group started up in September Pastor Christopher spoke a message entitled Praying Like Lions. He spoke about how we pray like pansies. We don’t chase after or stalk our prey, instead we are lazy and half-hearted. He spoke how sometimes all we need to do is pray harder to get that last push.
After hearing that message I decided it was time to pray. Some may think that to pray is elementary and I agree. I should have thought to pray way before anything else. I cried out to God and although I don’t think that yelling is the only way to pray (God himself spoke to Elijah in a still small voice in a soft wind), it worked for me. God started to change my thoughts. In that moment he gave me a heart for what was right and a heart for people who I couldn’t ignore.
During the weeks following that message there were plenty of hardships. As I pressed into God the enemy pressed into making me stumble.
At first he tried lust, which I must admit worked plenty of times in the past; this time however it failed. He even tried drinking and drugs which to me is easy to decline.
In the beginning of September I started talking to an amazing young woman. She quickly became my best friend, and we talked all the time. I had told her everything I was going through and she constantly encouraged me to dive deeper into God.
Our friendship was just that; a friendship. There was no want for anything deeper on either side. We shared a lot in common, including much of our personalities.”
Sadly, our friendship was cut short when Danielle Westlake passed away in a car accident on 11-18-2010.
I don’t the devil any credit for taking Danielle away he didn’t have the power to do that. I also don’t blame God for it, he is far to loving for that. The only thing I can blame is our sinful nature. We brought sin into a perfect world, that caused imperfection. That is why bad things happen to great people.
But that is a different subject altogether.
The enemy took this opportunity to push me into depression. He started saying that I should have saved her, that I could have been in the car and helped her if I cared more. The worst part is that I believed him. I started on a downhill slide I couldn’t get off. I started blaming myself for not being with her, for not making sure she didn’t drive.
Months have gone by since that beautiful friend left us. But I think of her everyday.
It wasn’t until last week I decided to take an hour and give it to God in worship. I had a 2 hour break between classes, so why not?
I went into my awesome church sanctuary and blared the worship music to the point that I couldn’t hear my own voice. Jason Upton was on shuffle and on came the song Fly. (For those of you who have never heard the story behind Fly I encourage you to watch this video.) Angels actually sing with Upton in the recording, and as I began singing and heard the enemy say “Shut-up! You betrayed your friend! How dare you try to sing with angels!
I cried uncontrollably believing the lie that I had failed my best friend. Then I heard Upton singing “You have been set free/You have been set free/Nothing, nothing, nothing/No weapon could ever hold you/Fly.”
I have never heard God say anything so clearly, and I still don’t know if it was just my spirit man or God himself, but I heard, “I love you Daniel, Let Danielle be with me, I’ll keep her safe until you get here, It wasn’t your fault.”
When the God of the universe tells you it isn’t your fault, I think he knows.
Now I wasn’t weeping because the tormented me with sadness, but I was weeping because I was free!
Since then I have had new chances to know who God really is, and a new prospective on his heart. I don’t claim to be perfect; that would be foolish. Instead I find perfection in the One who is perfect: Jesus Christ. He has given me hope in the darkness, strength in my weakness, comfort when I’m weary, and shelter in the storm.
The desert is never a fun place to be, but when you’re finally out of it you’re indeed made strong through God.
I once had it prophesied over me that “You are like the stone in David’s sling, David only needed one stone to take down Goliath. Just like David, God only needs one stone to take down giants. Daniel you are God’s one stone. With you he will take out giants.” I didn’t believe that when it was first said but I believe it now. God can do anything through me.
I don’t know where I heard this quote or if I made it up, but I love it all the same.
“When one is stripped of all else and must search himself, how many excuses will he come up with before he sifts through the darkness inside him?”
I plead with you do not wait to sift through your darkness. God is ready to take you through it, just reach out and grab His hand. Get through it now rather than later.
Wow, thanks for sharing, Daniel. That’s powerful! Brought tears to my eyes! Keep it up; take up your sword and take down those giants, for yourself, for others, for the Kingdom!
Oh my goodness! I can’t thank you enough for sharing! Keep being strong in the Lord and never forget that He will always be with you where ever you go!
Awesome, Daniel! We all go through hard times and God is always there just waiting for us to reach out to HIM!
It’s really encouraging reading this!!
Stay strong for Him, Daniel, He’ll use you for mighty and powerful things!!
Wow that was really powerful Daniel! Loved reading it! Keep writing!
Really powerful, Daniel. Thanks for this candid look into your heart. I know it must have taken a lot to write, but I hope others are as blessed as I was to read it. ch:
Hi Daniel. You’re story broke my heart. I know how you feel man. Back in 2000, and I was 16 at the time, I was really close to a family that came to our church. I was close friends with the two oldest boys and the oldest sister. However in February of that year, I began to feel God speaking to me… in the most audible way I could ever imagine. He kept saying to me over and over again. Andrew, Andrew. I couldn’t understand. Andrew was my younger brother’s best friend. I had zero in common with him. I was a athletic type guy who loved all that kind of thing, and Andrew loved taking things apart and putting htem back together. Not my thing. He was, to me at the time, kinda geeky. I had mercilessly picked on him all the time. He was like my favorite target. I liked him, but I was a smart aleck who loved to tease people. However God began to work in my life and instilled in me the strongest desire to get to know him. He kept saying to me Andrew, Andrew. I remember sitting on a bale of hay in a barn on our farm, looking up at the ceiling and just out loud crying out to God because I couldn’t understand. “God! What is it about Andrew?” Why have You put him on my heart like this? What do you want me to do?” The answer came almost audibly. “Get to know him.” I couldn’t understand why. But I made the attempt. One Sunday I saw him sitting at out dining room table so I went and sat down with him. I remember discussing pigs tails and how they are not actually curly like they are in cartoons. That Wednesday he was killed in a tractor accident. I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t understand how God could put someone into my life, and then rip him out of it instantly like that. My questioning led me to believe that I had failed. I wasn’t in the right place, and I wasn’t hearing things well enough and had I listened to God better, maybe there was something I could have said, or done and my best friends brother would still be alive. It ate at me man. I’ve still never told their family about this. Over time. I came to the realization, that God put him into my life for a reason. God knew what was going to happen all along. God was not suprised. He knew Andrew would soon be coming home, and God did not want me to live the rest of my life knowing I had never done anything but tease that boy. What’s even more, God has taught me to show people that I care more, and be more open to people and show them that I do really care about them rather than mercilessly tease them. God used Andrew in my life to make me a stronger Christian. To make me a better friend. God works in mysterious ways Daniel. But His plans are perfect and we can rest in His peace. God bless you. In case you’re wondering who I am, I’m the guy that helped your brother Joe to the car with you after he got whacked by Jordan at Lions field there last year. Thanks for sharing dude.
No thank you for sharing. That is incredible how God cares about us that much to make sure we don’t live our lives feeling ashamed of what we did. I knew who you were as soon as I saw the name no need to explain.
Thank you Dan, made me want to cry too. Just so you know, even through the whole time you felt like you weren’t affecting people, you encourage me every time I see you. Every hug brings me back to the words you’ve spoken, like back in Dibor. And every worship, even if you are struggling, how you still give it your all…you push me forward. Never stop sharing your words, they have worth and will help people…just look at all the responses to this blog. We need you, so don’t hide yourself. You’re an amazing friend and little big brother, and I am so glad to have you in my life. Love you!